Boobs, wine and cute babies

I had an awesome time though. Much MUCH needed weekend. I left Friday, early in the AM. I felt bad that I didn’t say goodbye to everyone properly however it was a bit rushed. Got to the airport a little early so I had a beer. At 11am. It was delicious. Got on my plane and had an entire row to myself for that leg of the flight. I was hoping it’d be the same for the second leg. Sadly no. I thought I had more time than I did, so while I ran and got another drink (for free, thanks to some dude paying for it) then went to the bathroom I got in line just in time to see the last few people boarding. Shit. Southwest has open seating and they informed me that the flight was full. Last remaining seat was in the middle of a couple of *ahem* large folks. I’m not exactly tiny myself. I think there were so many rolls in this row between the three of us I should have got some sausage gravy. *sigh* No tray tables either since I Was up front so I am precariously holding this drink with my arms forced out in front of me and trying not to drop my shit everywhere. I finally settle into my book and then we land. I was first off the plane. I had sweat marks on each side.

Finally figure out where my bag was coming out, and then go hunt down Nikki. She has the raddest car on the planet. I turned on the ass warmer just because I could. Get there and there is Audrey. oh man she is the cutest damn thing. Just a small sample of what I was “forced” to spend time with over the weekend.

I know. Poor me right? I was worried she wouldn’t like me but she loved me (I think) and I loved her right back. We discuss dinner and head out, just her and I for some food. The first place we went to had like an hour wait and no room at the bar (PF Chang’s) so we hit this Italian place next to us. She took the PF chang’s pager with her too, which is hilarious. Shorter wait at the Italian spot, and room at the bar so we decide to stay here. Sit down and order a couple drinks and some appetizers (amazing yummy stuffed mushrooms) and bread. Both of us put our placemats on our laps thinking they were napkins… oops.

After dinner we head to the biggest liquor store on the planet. Pick out a few bottles of wine, and head home. As awesome as we are (I was tired) we camped out on the couch with laptops and glasses of wine with Nikki’s husband James refilling our glasses and making us popcorn. Awesome. Turn in, and I slept my ass off. This is the first time in like two months I haven’t had insomnia, and I slept for like 10 hours.

I got up and started our day. I got to snuggle Audrey again for a short amount of time, then we left to go see some sights. First stop was Starbucks. Nikki got a frappuccino with an awesome amount of whipped cream. It looked like a boob so of course we took pictures.

She didn’t finish it, in fact hardly touched it. So, there it sat with no lid on it in the cup holder beside her. This will become relevant later, I swear.

Next to a place called Garden of the Gods. Beautiful scenery, mountains and red rock and beautiful foliage and .. well, everything. The day was perfect too. Not too hot, not too cold.

and a rock I dubbed “Vagina rock”. This, I said loudly as a couple walked by. This couple of course heard me and started laughing. “Did you just say what I think you said?” she asks. In all fairness, it totally looked like a vag.

“Did you want us to take your picture?” the lady asks. OF course we did!!! (Wishing now I’d got a picture of myself fisting the rock, but I didn’t want to push it too hard and offend the couple offering to take our picture)

If the rock wasn’t so awesome I’d never share these pictures because I look like a pig, but whatever.

So, this place was busy as hell but was still fun and totally uncrowded just nowhere really to park. We decide to head to a small hippie granola gay sort of town (you know, MY kind of place) and we were going to walk around and shop a little however that place also was fucking PACKED. Like, nowhere to park at all. She shows me around via the car a bit, and I was instantly in love.. then on we went. We decide to head to her rental house so I can see it. This is THE cutest house ever. Fenced yard, the works. If things worked in my favor I could wind up renting here (and this would be good for them, since I’d actually pay my rent unlike the people that lived there) so here I hope that if I can’t move to Canada, I at least get to move to CO.
We leave the lesbians, Nikki uses her phone to call someone and puts it beside her (again this is relevant. You may figure it out yourself here in a second) and we drive around a bit. Unsure of what to do next, Nikki is going to call her husband to see what to do. She looks down to get her phone and there sits her blackberry pearl, comfortably floating in her now melted frappuccino. Fuck. Quickly she pulls the dripping phone out of the drink and I grab it from her (she’s driving) and put it in my lap looking for something to put it on so I can take the battery out. This results in sticky crotch, of course I take pictures.

Anyway now Nikki needs a new phone. We head over to the Verizon store, where there is a nice long wait ahead of us. We run over to the beauty supply store next to Verizon to look around, then head back. Still 5 people ahead of her. We get caught up looking at blackberry phones and discover that her name is no longer on the list. We ask the greeter (whose name tag only says “greeter”. Awesome.) and she stops cleaning touch screens long enough to say “I’ll get it looked at” and she goes back to cleaning screens and greeting. After a few minutes MY head is going to explode and I ask her if she’s still “Taking care of it” and she grabs a manager. He walks away, does something on a computer, and comes back. “We have you back on the list” he says.
“Uh. Okay. Nikki was already ON that list”
Manager [Tony]: Well we put her on the TOP.
Me: uh, yeah… because there’s nobody else on the list.
Tony: Well we have to wait for a salesperson to be free.
Nikki: I was already on that list. I didn’t hear anyone call my name. When I did mention it I got no apology, and attitude.
Me: *head nearly exploding*
Tony: Well we put you back on the top of the list.
Me: So.. do you not know how to sell phones to people?
Tony: I can’t. I need to stay on the floor.
Me: So you can’t. Weird. I would have thought someone coming in to drop a bunch of money on a phone and extend their contract would get better treatment, but whatever.
Tony: Well I can’t pull someone from a customer. That would be rude.
Me: *So going to explode*
Nikki: Fine. We’ll wait.
And we did. Not terribly long, and the guy who took care of her was worth the wait. He rocked. After getting her fully taken care of, we leave and greeter says to Nikki “Have a nice day thanks for coming”
Nikki: Don’t talk to me
Me: Go to hell.

You have to understand.. not once, NOBODY (except the salesman) apologized for what happened. I didn’t want a miracle. I didn’t want her to take someone’s spot. I wanted that douchebag to act like a MANAGER for crap sakes. That’s all. Jeez.
Immature highlight of the moment besides me saying go to hell.. while the greeter was cleaning touch screens, I followed behind her rubbing my hand on the freshly cleaned screens.

Out the door with a new phone, it’s off to get ready to go eat at The Pot.

Texted Cathy to get a good wine recommendation (and god was she ever right. Holy shit.) and she asks us where we are, etc. And then we get off the phone. Turns out, she was asking where so that she could buy us a bottle of wine. Best moment EVER. (Cathy. You rule. Seriously)
So our server was a-ma-zing! She was funny and quick and professional but good natured with our teasing. I adored her. Like, I wanted to take her home. So, commence the drinks, the food, the fun. We were having an awesome time. I even dripped on my shirt.

(Isn’t she pretty)

At some point during the meal, our conversation moved to a really brief discussion of gays, and lesbians. I think I might have even said the word homo once. Suddenly the manager comes out and (really apologetically) asks us to watch our language…………..too shocked to be pissed off that gay lingo is considered bad language we apologize and continue with our meal, however with admittedly less zeal. At first we, both angry, consider pressing the issue however decide to leave it alone. It wasn’t the manager’s fault anyway and I wouldn’t have wanted to make it harder on him. So, meal finished, our server tells us what a delight we were to which we scoff and she says “I don’t care what anyone says, you two were a pleasure”
bwahahahahaha. Story of my life right?
Time to leave, the rest of the trip decidedly uneventful.
Farewell to my sweet Audrey